The Pirates Are Going To Shit In Your Livingroom Again.

: Image via Wikipedia

As Pirates spring training gets under way and I try to muster a little bit of enthusiasm about the coming year, I can’t help but think of a dog I used to have called “Buddy”. Let me tell you a little about this dog and explain why the Pirates are so similar to him.

As it is any time you get a new pet, our relationship with Buddy started out with great enthusiasm and happiness. “What a cute puppy!” . . . “He’s going to be a great dog!” . . . “I’m so glad we finally got another dog!” These were all things that could be heard in my house the first few days of having Buddy. Well, it all went down hill from there.

Buddy was the biggest pain in the ass, destructive, nightmare of a dog that was ever conceived. No matter how many chew toys, you got him, he loved to chew anything that was of any value in our house. If we put him in his crate while we were away for a few hours, he would piss in it. I’m pretty sure that dogs are hardwired not to do this! If you opened the door even a crack, he would do his best to knock you down so he could get out and roll in anything that was dead. We had him for a year and after he knocked my wife down the steps while she was 8 months pregnant, because he heard a knock on the door, we took him back to the Humane Society. There was a lot of training and attempts to teach this dog to not act this way, so in case some dick from PETA tries to say that we shouldn’t of gave him back, don’t bother.

” I can’t stand that dog!” . . . “Please, can we get rid of him?” . . . “This dog is possessed by demons!” These were all things that could be heard after living with Buddy for a year.

So, back to why Buddy and the Pirates are so similar. In my mind a dog, or any pet for that matter, is supposed to bring joy and happiness in to your life and your household. This dog brought nothing but misery. The Pirates or any other sports team should also bring you happiness. They should be fun to watch, fun to go and see play live, and not piss you off every time you hear about their latest sorry ass roster move.

You need to love, feed, groom, and provide a nice place for your dog to live.

Using the Buddy = Pirates metaphor, you need to love (Support the team), feed (Buy tickets and go to the games), and provide a nice place for the Pirates to live (PNC Park paid for by the taxpayers!) As with Buddy, we have done our part and whenever it got unbearable, we got rid of him. We gave him back to the Humane Society in hopes that someone that was better skilled at living with dogs from hell, could do a better job than we were doing.

Well, haven’t we been doing our part for the Pirates? Haven’t we done all of the things above? We still go to the games even though we know what the results are going to be. The Pirates play in the greatest ball park in MLB, and some of us suckers, still hold out hope that this year is going to be different and maybe they can win. After 17 losing seasons and no end in site, can we please get someone better skilled at running a Major league team? We don’t want to get rid of the Pirates, we just want ownership that is better at leading the Pirates out of this nightmare.

Just like Buddy, we keep believing that things are going to change. . . . Just like Buddy, the Pirates keep shitting in the corner of the living room.

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