This Kids Not Mine!

OK, ready for a laugh? I’m gonna tell you a story about one of my kids that kind of explains what goes on in my house! So for some reason one of my kids thought it would be a good idea to paint his balls blue with a magic marker. Why? I’m really not sure, we never asked him. He was around 3 years old at the time and I’m sure it went something like this. “Hmm, I could either play with my Hotwheels cars, throw my sippy cup behind the bed where nobody will find it, or paint my balls blue.” Of course he decided to paint his balls blue! Can’t say I can blame him really, not sure that I would of made the same choice though, but you have to admit it’s could be considered art.

So here’s the scenario. Tammy is at home with the three boys and as kids often do, they all wanted to do separate things. She was playing with one, another was older and was off on his own, and the little ball painter was in the other room drawing a picture. She went in the room to check on him and (check out this visual), he has his head down and has one foot on the floor and one foot propped up on the night stand. He has a blue marker in his hand and a real determined look on his face. Hey, at least he was focused! Tammy watches him for a few seconds in utter shock and then quickly closes the door, not knowing what to do! You never want to interrupt an artist at work!

She waits for a few minutes and then goes back in to find him quietly drawing on the floor again. She never mentions it at that point and can’t help but wonder if that really just happened. Oh yeah, that just happened. The proof was right there at bath time, blue balls and all. He says, “Mommy look, I colored my balls!” She says “Just your balls? He says, “Yeah just my balls.” Tammy says, “Nice job honey, you were always good at coloring in the lines!”

Good thing it was washable and came right off. You don’t think we would let our kids play with permanent markers, do you? We’re not bad parents. Besides permanent markers would of gave the little fella blue balls for life. He’s got plenty of time for that once he gets older! So once I get home and she tells me the story, I try to control myself after laughing so hard that my jaw hurts. I go up to see him and tell him good night.

It kind of goes like this:

Me: “Hey buddie, how was your day?”
Son: “Great, I painted my balls blue!”
Me: “Nice work son, try to keep that to yourself around your grandmother, ok?”
Son: “Yeah, she doesn’t have balls.”
Me: “No, she wouldn’t understand. Ok. Good talk son. See you in the morning.”

I guess this is something that most people would keep to themselves. Not me. I tell everybody that I can think of. I even told our bartender, Pablo, on our cruise that we took a few years ago. I can’t wait until he gets a serious girlfriend!